Finally, a post!

It has been nearly a year since my last post! I was struggling to blog before that, but then I just forgot about blogging in general and got out of the habit.

So much has happened in the last year. We have had so many joys and some sorrows, just as everyone does. I plan to write posts about lots of wonderful things, but tonight I'll post about a recent experience.  Last month we had a miscarriage. I felt that writing about it might be therapeutic for me, so here it is! It may be a lot of information, but you can stop reading at anytime...

Vance and I were almost 11 1/2 weeks along in this pregnancy. Our due date was June 25, 2015. We had just announced our pregnancy. The week earlier I bought an entire new and fabulous wardrobe of maternity clothes at Target because they had a Black Friday weekend sale. (By the way, it wasn't fun returning them). My mom called on a Monday in early December and asked if she could come that weekend. Of course!

My mom arrived Friday, December 5th. As soon as she arrived, as usual, there was such an energy. We were so excited to see her and spend a few days with her. My mom volunteered to babysit that night so Vance and I could go on a date. We were so excited.

Vance and I left to Buca de Bepo's restaurant for dinner. We had never been to this Italian restaurant before. The food was excellent! During dinner, I left for the restroom. I knew something was wrong and told Vance. We didn't know if this was a miscarriage or not, but we knew it was a possibility. We could have gone back home, but my mom was babysitting and we wanted to go to the temple to do sealings for family names that I had worked so hard on. What better place to be at the temple, right?! The session was a really beautiful experience and we felt the Spirit.

By the next morning (Saturday), we decided to keep our heads up and continue. The bleeding stopped, but had some minor spotting, then a little more, etc. Lincoln wasn't feeling great so we stayed home for a good portion of the day. We made two stars out of cardboard and covered them with foil. My kids were going to be the "stars" for the Christmas nativity scene that night. It was the big Christmas party for our ward. Our presidency had prepared for the  nativity scene, and were excited for the night. The night consisted of dinner and the Christmas program. I remember feeling so warm and flushed in the face, but loving the party. I was really having a lot of anxiety over the nativity scene. It seemed chaotic and people weren't as prepared as I had hoped, which made it a bit crazier. In the end, it turned out great and the children seemed to have a wonderful experience.

We headed home and I was exhausted. I didn't feel good, but also relieved that the night was "over." By this evening, I had been convinced I was likely having a miscarriage. A short time after arriving home, I saw my tiny little baby. I had "delivered" this baby. It was not what I had expected.   Vance and my mom were so sweet and comforting. I know this was a bit hard for them too. I know that many, many, many women go through miscarriages, but it was still hard.  Vance and I cried for a few minutes. My mom kept Lincoln and Lauren busy and got them ready for bed. Vance and I saw our little, tiny two inch-long perfect baby. It was a difficult and beautiful experience all at the same time! We didn't know what to do with this little body. It was REALLY cold that night, but I asked Vance to bury the baby between two of our hydrangea bushes. (I am really looking forward to spring when those flowers blossom). I don't know what most women do in cases like this, but it seemed best at the time.

I went upstairs to be by myself, compose myself, etc. The bleeding increased, and was heavy. After about 2 hours, it hadn't slowed.  I was feeling guilty that this "fun weekend" with my mom in town was turning into a more dramatic, less happy one. By this time, I was also pretty light-headed.

If you know Vance and I, you know we are careful with spending...and will avoid any huge hospital/medical bills if we have too! Plus, it was December and who wants to meet their deductible in December? But at this point, we knew this wasn't how a normal miscarriage should go. My mom is a nurse, and she thought we should probably go to the ER.

The ER in town went ahead and admitted me. The nurses were so friendly and kind. The doctor wasn't able to stop the bleeding with a quick procedure.  But over the next couple of hours, hey doubled the IV fluid for me, and occasionally had  me stand, but each time I felt like I was going to pass out.  They transported me to another hospital, for a D&C. We live in a small town:) They performed the D&C finally, and that was honestly a great relief.

Anyway, we finally got home around 7 am. Vance was exhausted as well. He was so sweet and had stayed awake with me all night.  My mom took Lincoln and Lauren to church, which was so nice because it allowed us to get a good sleep. It was a blessing to have her there that weekend. I really feel that the timing of her visit was inspired. It was perfect.

The first week or two after the miscarriage brought a lot of emotions. Guilt---did this happen because I lifted the double jogger stroller in and out of the car--and jogged too hard the week before? Acceptance---it wasn't hard to believe it happened, just so surprising. The chances were so low at 11 weeks, right? Miscarriages happen to other people! Depression---this really stinks.......but the cookies and treats people brought helped:)

Overall, Vance and I have felt so much peace through this experience! We are humbled by the overwhelming amount of kindness rendered towards our family. In Vance's words, "We had enough cookies to feed an army!" There were so many kind friends and people who helped or offered to help. Hopefully I can pay it forward to others in the future. We are grateful for a loving Heavenly Father, and for the peace we can find by seeking Him.

Lauren at 16 months

Lauren has learned so much lately. At 15 months she weighed 19 pounds and 10 ounces. She is now a confident walker (its been a couple of months since she started taking steps). She loves to walk everywhere! When she first started walking, it was so fun to see the happiness in her face as she felt more independent. We love her!

Last week Lauren turned sixteen months old. She has started to talk a bit. Here are the words she says consistently--although not perfect articulation:)

shoe
peek-a-boo
out
off
all done
hi
bye
hi dada
book
balloon
Jesus
more
no
up
baby
tickle tickle
eyes
ears
nose

Its been fun to see how much more she has started to understand. Tonight after dinner, I asked Lauren if she wanted to play in the toy room. She shook her head and said "no." I then asked her if she wanted to stay and sit with me. She just smiled at hugged me.

Lauren's latest love is coloring on paper. She will walk over to the cabinet where crayons are held and let me know she wants the crayons and some paper. I love that she'll do this independently and not just do it because her older brother wants to as well.

She sometimes will look at you with a little smile, and then when she sees your eyes meet hers, she'll give the biggest toothy grin and squint her eyes and giggle. It is DARLING!! We are so glad she's ours.

She loves her brother Lincoln. She will walk over to him and start tickling him to get his attention. He will often respond "Oh Lauren, you silly..." They have a sweet relationship right now. Well, most of the time. Tonight after dinner Lincoln picked up Lauren off the ground and then purposely dropped her.  He was in a cranky mood. But Lauren is very forgiving like most children and they were good friends again minutes later!

Below are some fuzzy iphone photos taken in the last month .

Early morning snuggles in Mom and Dad's bed

Emergency mid-day bath

Put the stickers he got from the doctor's office to use!

Little lady having fun at the mall play area

Our little girl Lauren

Lincoln was sick a few weeks ago. He asked to lay on the couch. Gave him the "royal treatment" (Tissues, water, special plate of sick food, washcloth to go on forehead, etc.) Ten minutes later, he was completely asleep. Poor Lincoln. 

Lauren and Lincoln enjoying cuddling in Mom and Dad's bed this morning

Hello World!

Hello long, lost friends and family! I have procrastinating with this blog! It seems the longer and longer I went without making an update, the more guilty I felt so I avoided making a post!

Anyway, it has been a long, very cold winter but we are doing well. Vance is doing great with work. He is so good about spending time with me and the kids when he is home. He is also so willing to help out wherever and whenever he is needed.

Lincoln is a little man now! He turned three in October and had an airplane cake by request. His imagination has really taken off. Just today he was eating a piece of pear and with the way he bit it, he decided it looked like a smile, a "U," and a rainbow. He has taken a big turn and is so sweet and gentle with Lauren. They are really great playmates now. Last Fall she used to crawl towards his direction and he would laugh endlessly, pretending that she was chasing him. I guess when you have no other siblings besides a crawling baby, she'll do!! He sure has been a wonderful "challenge" for us. It has been a really hard, yet joyous ride raising this energetic, strong-willed little boy!  He has started asking a lot of why questions this week. I told him I was making dinner last night, and he asked "Why?" ha ha ha... It is so fun to see him learn to make sense of this world.

For Christmas Lincoln got the "sight words" collection of Bob books. Lincoln has always loooved letters and has wanted to know what words say and mean. We finally brought out these books a few days ago and he has memorized several of these books already. I think he is starting to decode words a little bit, but most of it might be read because he has memorized so many words. Either way, it has been fun to watch him ask to read every day and watch his confidence build.

Lauren turned one in November. She just turned 15 months yesterday, and now is loving to walk and practice whenever she can. She probably walks (on her knees) a little more often than on her feet, but she's getting it. She is still so tiny. She's got a little bear from her grandma last weekend that we named "Berry" for her:) She loves to kiss this bear all day! She loves to pull out games and open the boxes and spread out the cards/pieces everywhere. She can point to her eyes and nose. Here are the words she can say:

Shoe
Jesus
Look
Eat
Mama
Dada
All done (maybe)

She may being saying more but we're just not sure. Anyway, she is great at communicating whatever she needs. She really has still been such an easy going baby. We can't remember the last time she cried when we put her down for a nap or bedtime. She leans towards her crib!!!

Life has gotten a little busier. Last September I was called as the Primary President in our ward. We have a large primary and I have definitely been stretched but I feel like I have learned so much already. I have learned a few things....like to assume the best in people, and know that everyone is probably trying the best that they can. We never know what individuals are going through. I've learned that adults are like kids too! We are all imperfect and learning. I've learned that children know a lot more than we think. Their capacity to love is so great. I've learned how to communicate better with people. I've learned how to help children recognize the spirit, hopefully! I've learned a little more how to be a leader and guide, but still have a loooong way to go. I've learned how to coordinate so many programs and consider so many details, people, etc. Anyway, I am still learning but it has been a great experience. Stressful at times, but wonderful.

Last night Vance brought home a huge container of chocolate covered raisins and one dozen roses.He has always been very thoughtful. I think he's the more thoughtful spouse in our marriage. Then this morning he surprised me and took the day off of work. He had breakfast ready (German pancakes). It was probably the best breakfast he has EVER made. It was incredible, maybe because of the amount of butter. Then we spent the rest of the morning together while the kids were with a neighbor. He surprised me by taking me ice skating!! We actually haven't been ice skating since we were in Provo, at least 4-5 years ago. It turned out that no one else was on the huge rink so we had it all to ourselves. It was pretty romantic. I love that man! It was neat that he made this Valentine's day so special for us.

Last pictures from February 2013

Just a couple of more gems from last February. Lincoln likes to close his eyes for pictures now. Why is that?

 Lincoln got a Lego set from my parents. Vance is putting it together with him here. Lincoln is really starting to enjoy Legos these days. I still don't highlight Vance enough on this blog, I need to be better.

Wisconsin trip- March 2013 continued...

Ruth Ann and Kelsey...

Me, Ruth, and Kelsey

Ruth, Kelsey, and Mom...

 My incredible mother and me. I really do want to be just like her when I grow up:)

 One evening we chose bowls that my mom found and then made serving utensils to go with the bowl. We used wiring and really fancy beads to decorate the utensils. It was so fun and felt great to use my creative side!!

 On the way back we stopped at a McDonald's (can you tell we love that place--totally kid friendly and a necessity of ours on trips). Lincoln wanted a picture next to Ronald McDonald.

I can't leave Peter out!! I got a picture of him too. I can't believe he is just about to start his junior year of high school. He's the BABY of the family!!!!!